


Wandering Snow

by Love_And_Hatred



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up, Writers, scientist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-22 11:49:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21301574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_And_Hatred/pseuds/Love_And_Hatred
Summary: Even never understood what had happened, and decided to never think about it. Isak had tried to leave it, but once you've had something you'll never be able to forget them.A post-breakup AU, in which Isak left Oslo for university in Trondheim, and Even stayed in Oslo and decided to settle for creative writing. Now Isak's back in Oslo to do stem-cell research while Even is awaiting for his psychological thriller at NRK to hit Norway's TV screens.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Wandering Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've never written for this fandom before, but I've definitely read a lot from it! Anyways, I just wanna mention that I wrote this on a whim and it was very spontaneous and unplanned, so I apologize. I'm also not an experienced fanfic writer, and I know nothing about what I'm writing about other than my own experiences and quick google searches. So I apologize again for inaccuracies, but it's fanfic so don't hold me to any actual standards.

_It almost seemed as if the once comforting noise of the rain pitter-pattering on their bedroom window was mocking him, mocking him for not realizing the eternal gloom they seem to bring. When all outside has left the vibrancy for muted grays for unending periods of time, he thought that maybe this rain was the final symbolism for not being to hold onto all the happiness in his life forever in the movie of Even’s existence. He didn’t want to lie to himself anymore, he didn’t want to be functional and positive for everyone’s sake today, now he wanted to bask in comforting miserableness of rain forever._

_Sleep would soon take over Even, if not for the fact that he left the isolated realm of glum to the reason why he was brought there. For some unwanted reason his mind led him to the person that hurt the most, he always knew that whenever he hit his episodes of depression or heartbreak or whatever form of sadness it may be, hypersomnia captured him and held him through these bouts. That realization led from one thing to the other, his boyfriend of two years, who he could never imagine being ripped away from him. He remembered all the times he’d seen him face his own struggles, he knew about his habits of sleep deprivation when an terrorizing anxiety would creep up on him, or sometimes for no reason at all but at least Even would know since he always would tap on his shoulder shyly at the most godforsaken hours of the night to tell him, “Baby, I can’t seem to fall asleep.”_

_Every little uncomfortable request was a secret shared, it was a beacon of trust in a stable relationship; until it wasn’t. _

_Isak’s father had died three months ago, Isak had gotten accepted into NTNU, Isak had a sister in Berlin who came back to Oslo four months ago. Even had been mad at Isak for some forgettable reason four months ago and instead of talking would go out every night for a month, Even had been going to his dream school in Oslo while Isak just got accepted to his in Trondheim, Even felt like the relationship was on a thread. _

_Just now he realized how little he knew, but who’s fault was it? Was it Even and his tendency to keep the stage to himself, with his favorite part of having Isak to know someone was always there to listen? How could that be when he knew the one pulsing thought of Isak bled of curiosity, that could not be. Was it Isak and his unsureness that would take control when it wasn’t needed, was it the comfortability he managed to craft in the years of his first relationship with someone who mattered more than anything else being blocked by reminders of past people who he gave that gift to and didn’t return it? He would try and mull over the circumstances of the heartbreaking failure on both parts, but he would never get an answer. Love was never circumstantial; love is not to be understood for it breaks all emotion encapsulated in it. _

_And with that he forced himself out of the bed and trudged into the kitchen, wrapped around the biggest fleece blanket, grabbed the pint of Ben and Jerry’s and embraced the heartbreak. For all he knew, there was a chance it could pass._

***

“Mari!” Even yelled over his head.

“Hold on, jeez. Ok, anyway what are we looking at? Wait, oh yeah!” she said snapping her fingers, too peppy for a Monday morning. “Well, well, well, let me have a look exec at NRK’s next biggest hit. Still can’t believe you got creative control,” Mari muttered the last part as she yanked the papers out of Even’s hands.

“You know I can always trust your opinion, coming from a movie buff to a TV fanatic, so…” Even went off watching as Mari’s eyes flicked over the paper, he could smell the marzipan of an almond croissant she probably had this morning.

“I like it a lot, Even. Your style? Absolutely not, but potential you have granted it. And are you sure this isn’t like an early birthday present; I mean you know I love a good crime psychological thriller.”

“Okay, thank you Mari, I showed it to you today since the infamous “writer’s room” meeting is tomorrow, and I know if I ever need validation, I got you.” Even gleamed.

And with a bit of friendly small talk Mari left to go back to her desk and Even was left to sit at work with nothing to do. Realistically going through his emails and working through each one would be his job for the moment, but today was a little different. For one this project was his “breakthrough” of sorts, he had been working in the writing department NRK for three years and recently he was given the opportunity to take hold of writing for a TV show marketed to young adults. It was titled, Wandering Snow, and it was something he took out of darkest recesses of his emotions, but it was still a TV show for all of Norway to see.

Another thing is that he would be going on a date today, not that that event insinuated anything more but whenever one of his friends would set him up with someone, a restlessness would take him over. He never thought that a side-effect of leaving one of the most meaningful relationships of his life would be some odd social anxiousness. Or whatever it was, but in any case, each date seemed futile and more of an attempt by Even’s friends to pull him out of his invisible funk. Nonetheless, he had a few relationships that lasted more than a month over this time period after his worst breakup yet, but the unease always seemed to hit him on these dates.

***

_“Isak, I just feel like you’re not telling me things, you know? I feel like you’ve forgotten I’ll always be here too. I just— look, I don’t want us to fall apart.” Even had tried to look Isak in the eye as he said this but his head was bowed, in shame, in fear, in anguish; he did not know. But the point was, he wanted, no actually, he needed to. Or everything was going to end up in flames. “Isak?”_

_“I don’t want to tell you things that add burden,” Isak responded, with tears rolling down his face. He had always been the more emotional one out of them, though no one would ever think this unless you knew his story. “I don’t think you understand that sometimes the only thing that’s ever going well for me is us. I can’t have my happiness diluted by adding my outer stressors to it. Even, you know I love you and I just want to make sure you do too.”_

_Even had stopped in thought for a moment, he could never imagine this sense of self-doubt coming from his boyfriend. It was just on that list of things he didn’t know, he guessed. It seemed to him the only way Isak was to emotionally open up, was for him to do it at the sake of someone else; in this case, Even. “Baby, no, I love you too. So much. Please, Isak, just tell me everything, you don’t have to carry everything on your own. We’re happy as long as we’re together, okay?” He looked into the green eyes that never stopped holding secrets in them. Unfortunately._

_“I just want this to be perfect.”_

It was all they ever wished for, it was all they ever worked for, it was them. If they could have each other they didn’t need anything else. But perfection can only exist in infinity.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't write a lot of fanfiction but it would be super cool if you could comment???? Just a quick "loved that" or maybe "try this instead" is cool, I just want attention. oof. If this is bad, also sorry but hey I don't usually write a lot so whatever. Anyways, responses are cool and I want some!! I don't know when I'll continue this but I probably will if school doesn't try to kill me.


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